Older Child Adoption

Of course, the universal question on everyone’s mind is: “When can I have a child?” “How soon?” This varies for every person based on answers to sample questions listed below:

Domestic Adoption

· How old are you? Most domestic adoptions occur if you are under forty years old. Your agency will have an age requirement for domestic adoptions.

· Are you willing to market yourself and wait for the most impor tant job of your life? You create a “parent portfolio” to present the life you offer a child. Birth mothers-to-be review and choose the parents for their child. This selection process is out of your control and “how long” does not have an answer. Birthmothers typically choose parents they seem to connect with based on the lifestyle offered (i.e.: city life, rural life, music, sports, pets, or siblings). Once selected, a meeting is organized by your agency. You and the birthparent decide if it’s a match.

· Are you comfortable with an Open Adoption? You may have an Open Adoption. This means your child will have a wonderful opportunity to know their birthmother and possibly birthfather. Knowing the birthmother avoids the “who am I” questions. It provides knowledge of biological and medical history. You and the birthparent(s) agree on a relationship, which may involve sending photos or invitations to birthdays/holidays and creating an extended family.

· Can you accept the loss of control and chance of losing the child in the final days? Once the baby is born, each state varies con cerning when the adoption paperwork becomes legal. Like you, the birthmother has made an educated conscious choice for an adoption plan. She is not likely to change her mind, but can legally.

International Adoption

There is a need for loving people to parent children from other countries. The basic fact is most of these children do not have options in their home countries. · Are you comfortable with a different ethnicity? The timeline may be more definite, but the health risks and attachment issues may be higher. Love and acceptance, not timeline, are your pri ority to create your family. There is also a risk of political unrest in your chosen country, which may cause an unforeseen delay in bringing your family together. · Will you accept a child that may not look like you? How diverse are your friends, your neighborhood, your schools, and your family? · How open-minded is your family to carrying on your family name with a different look and ethnicity? (This may be why some choose a girl over a boy.) · You will most likely have a closed adoption. You may send pho tos/letters to the agency for the birthmother to receive, but typi cally no relationship will be organized. You may have limited history or information to share with your child about their bio logical parents. Typically, extreme poverty is the driving force for creating adoption plans. Many questions asked might not be answered, only educated guesses may be provided for medical history and prior home life. At our first informational adoption meeting we received a spreadsheet listing several countries (China, Africa, Mexico, Guatemala, Russia, and Peru) estimated wait for a baby (boy/girl), length of time needed in-country, cost estimates, health conditions, foster or institutional care, and even age, sex, weight requirements of potential parents. China was a popular country to adopt a baby girl. Russia was a popular country to adopt a child with more Western European characteristics.

Can you handle the choices? Girls are easier to adopt in some countries, boys in others. You will receive a page full of health conditions “to accept or not.” Potential health risks are high in certain parts of the world (fetal alcohol syndrome or HIV) some risks are prevalent, but can be corrected (cleft palate). Some conditions may not show up in testing until much later, as in a biological child. Your desires are checked-off on this shopping list of potential health conditions. You will struggle; you will question health risks biological parents never even consider. Never apologize for what you will or will not accept in a child referral. The child needs and deserves a family that is in full acceptance of who they are and may become. Though many don’t, you can say “no” to a child referral. Ultimately, everyone (agency, birthparents and you) wants what is best for the child.