Older Child Adoption

All parents try to preserve memories of their children’s lives. Adoptive parents are faced with even more memory components to save. There are several ways to save memories: lifebooks, scrapbooks, email correspondence, hand-written journals, online journals, photo albums, photo boxes, memory boxes, videos, and audio tapes. The format you use will depend upon your interests, available time, etc.

The adoption planning process
Many parents maintain journals covering things like: how we decided to adopt, the steps we went through, who we told when, how we felt when we learned about you, and more. These memories can be preserved in written or online journals or in a lifebook. Also, some parents keep copies of the adoption paperwork i.e. autobiography, application forms, etc.

When we first met
Whether it’s a domestic or international adoption, we all project huge emotions into the first meeting with our child. It may not be the picture-perfect meeting we hoped for, but we still need to preserve it. Use a camera and or video camera to record the first meeting. In addition to you taking photos, you might give your child a disposable camera to take pictures of their foster family home or orphanage.

Our new life together
Their will be many “firsts” when you child gets home. First time they meet the extended family, first time they eat certain things, first time they see their school, first words they learn (for internationally adopted children), and more. You’ll be so excited and overwhelmed to have your child home, that it will be easy to forget to capture those moments. Keep a camera with you at all times and force yourself to make journal entries every day. If your child is internationally adopted, try and capture their native language on video or audio tape. It goes quickly and it’s nice to have a recording of it for the future.

Our children’s past
Our older adopted children all come to us with a past. Birth families, foster families, orphanages, friends, schools, language, culture, and more. Respect your child’s past by capturing as many tangible and intangible memories as possible. Ask the foster parents or orphanage staff for any photos, art work, or mementos of their early years. As soon as your child is comfortable talking with you about their past, have them share their memories on video tape or be sure to write down all the memories they share. If you don’t write them down, they’ll be forgotten. For some children, the memories they bring with them are the only record of their past they’ll ever have. Also, depending on your child’s age, you might encourage her to create a journal of her past: drawings and stories that she remembers from her years before coming to her forever family. You can also do small projects with your child to help create connections with their past memories. For example, let your child tell you a story from their past while you write it down; then have your child illustrate it.

Whether you’re very organized, or more-loosely focused, find the right formats that suit your personality so that you can preserve the memories that you and your child will cherish into the future.